Say my name and every colour illuminates
by mirrorOfsin
Summary: Oh, she thought as the realisation crept upon her, how had she not noticed herself falling slowly in love with her maid? For the Cora/Sarah Christmas exchange.


Part of the Cora/Sarah Christmas exchange - for drmadwoman who wanted:

Following Branson's death, Cora finally decides that she can't be with Robert anymore; she takes baby Sybil and Sarah and moved into a pretty house in London, where she and Sarah gradually grow closer. Sybie grows up calling Cora Grandmama and Sarah Granny.

**Say my name and every colour illuminates**

Cora glanced over her teacup at the woman sitting opposite her reading the newspaper. It was perhaps a strange sight to an outsider, a lady and her maid taking breakfast together in a small London house parlour, but here they were. London life seemed to suit them both well – always so busy and where you could, her maid had once said, walk around and feel invisible.

From the way the morning light was falling upon her face, adding a warm tinge to her pale complexion and catching the dark auburn in her hair (something Cora had previously never noticed), she thought that it was impossible for Sarah to ever be invisible.

_Sarah._

The name was warm on her tongue, now as familiar as her own.

_Sarah, Sarah, Sarah._

She caught her staring and Cora felt a blush creep up her neck but she cleared her throat and took a large sip of her tepid tea. They had been in this house for nearly a year and though it was smaller than Downton (it could fit inside there many times over), she had never felt more at home. Perhaps because it was hers. Well, theirs. She flicked her eyes towards Sarah again before her attention was captured by the young governess entering with little Sybie.

"Grandmama!"

Cora beamed as the little girl rand over to her and she opened her arms to pick her up, settling her carefully on her lap and stroking her dark curls.

"Good morning Sybie, darling," she said as the little girl played with Cora's necklace. "Aren't you going to say good morning to Sarah?"

Sybie turned her head and smiled at the other woman. "Good morning, Granny," she chirruped.

Sarah smiled and her eyes met Cora's. It had only been recently that Sybie had started to call Sarah by that title – neither of them having instigated it but neither corrected her.

"What is it that you're doing today?" Cora said smiling down at the girl before looking at the governess.

"I was going to take Sybie out for a walk and she's in need of some new boots."

Cora nodded. "Of course, and if there's anything else that Sybie needs, just buy it."

"Yes, my lady."

"Now are you sure you are fine working on Christmas?"

"It's hardly a taxing job, my lady," Alice smiled genuinely. "Sybie is barely any work and I'd be more than happy to look after her."

Sarah looked up. "Your family won't mind?"

"It's only my cousins in Cornwall," Alice said pulling a face that made both Cora and Sarah smile.

"Then this works out wonderfully," Cora replied and pressed a little kiss on Sybie's head before letting Alice take the little girl out.

"She's growing up so fast," Cora sighed and Sarah tilted her head to the right.

"They always do, milady – Cora," she corrected herself after catching Cora's look. It was still very new to her to say Cora's name out-loud just as it had taken her a while to get used to being in such close proximity to her all the time. She had, at first, thought the transition would have been far more difficult for Cora but the Countess seemed to have taken to her new lifestyle with ease and enthusiasm.

"Rosamund has written back – she will be arriving on Christmas Eve."

"Much to the delight of Mr Carson and Mrs Hughes," Sarah mumbled under her breath but Cora heard anyway and supressed a smile.

"Do you have much to do today?" Cora asked idly as she ran her finger over the handle of the teacup.

Sarah gave a little sigh before she began to list off items she needed to collect – Cora's new dress being one – as well as various things for the house. Cora listened and nodded a long though felt a little put-out that she would be spending the whole day without company.

"Cora?"

"Hmm?" Cora shook herself out of her thoughts and smiled brightly. "I'm sorry, I was listening."

"Will you be alright by yourself?" Sarah asked a little concerned and Cora stopped herself from rolling her eyes.

"Of course, Sarah. I am a grown woman after all."

"Of course, I didn't mean-" Sarah blushed and looked down at her lap. "I just don't want you to feel lonely, that's all."

Cora felt touched at the other woman's on-going thoughtfulness towards her. Goodness knows sometimes she knew she didn't deserve it but nevertheless Sarah gave it. In her heart of hearts, Cora knew that Sarah could quite possibly give up everything for her. It was both a heartrending and frightening thought.

"I know Sarah," she said softly. "I know."

The low chime of the clock made them both jump before Sarah stood up and brushed her hands down her dark blue dress. Since their move, Cora had insisted on Sarah wearing other colours since Sarah was more of a companion than a maid now days. Though she still chose dark shades, they were less severe in cut as well which softened her and pleased Cora greatly. Now she took her in and again thought how very becoming Sarah looked this morning.

"I will try not to be too late," Sarah told her and Cora waved her hand.

"Do not rush for my sake, I will just be going over the accounts."

"Very well," Sarah replied and walked towards the door before she paused. "And do remember to eat something."

"Mrs White has set something aside," Cora admitted and Sarah nodded and said her goodbye.

As she went, Cora let out a sigh and slumped back in her chair not looking at all forward to a quiet day with the account book.

/-/-/

It didn't fail to amaze her how, after a year, the house still remained the same. Barely anything was different and it was as if she had stepped back in time. She half-expected to wake up and think of her life in London as a dream but felt more she felt more than just relief that it wasn't. Her old room was not changed, she had taken a moment to adjust to the sheer size of it all – everything felt twice as large and empty and she wondered why she had never noticed this before. All this space and with hardly anyone to fill it.

Robert had been gracious and even Mary had not as cool as she had expected – time had obviously allowed her to forgive her mother for leaving as she had. Edith, in her bright and new way, had embraced her and spoke to her the most. She was set upon finding a small flat in London, a decision that Cora was fully supportive of and judging by the look on Robert's face it was one that he was against. She inwardly sighed.

Much of the evening was spent speaking on safe subjects such as Mary's second pregnancy, Edith's job and, of course, the weather. Core hardly spoke, preferring to stay on the fringes of the conversations around her whilst her mind wandered. She imagined that if she was in London, she'd be reading or maybe practicing some of the stitches that Sarah had taught her. And Sarah would be with her. That she missed the other woman's presence was an understatement and she was glad when the evening ended and she could go up to her room.

She was there waiting for her of course and it was, once again, almost as if they were back to how it used to be. But as Cora's hands went to start undressing herself, a ghost of a smile graced her lips. Well, undressing herself was something she certainly wouldn't have done a year ago. Sarah barely had to help her but she was still there just in case.

"How was it?"

Cora shook her head with a sigh and Sarah grimaced as she hung up her dress.

"And downstairs?"

Sarah gave her look and Cora couldn't help but laugh a little and she pulled back the covers and slid into the bed. It was far too large but then she remembered how before she was used to sharing a bed. She sat up against the pillows and watched as Sarah tidied up after her – well, that would never change, Cora was sure.

"I do not think I've ever felt so alone as I did at dinner," Cora said quietly and their eyes locked at her stark confession. There was a plea in Cora's expression that Sarah didn't understand, a yearning for something that seemed to have no words. Sarah broke the connection first, gathering the washing tightly in her arms.

"You must be tired, you should sleep."

"Yes, goodnight Sarah."

Sarah gave her a nod before she left the room and Cora slipped down to lie on her back and stared at the ceiling, brushing away a tear.

/-/-/

"Why are you sad Grandmama?"

The little hand on her skirt tugged and she glanced down to find Sybie staring up at her and she smiled softly, picking her up and placing her on her lap.

"I'm not sad, darling, just tired," she replied giving her a kiss on the cheek before lifted her head and saw Sarah was watching them quietly. Truth was that she was feeling sad, being back in this house had clouded her mind with memories and made her heart ache in her chest. She held the little girl closer to her.

"Would you like to lie down milady?"

Milady, so it was back to formalities. Inwardly, Cora sighed. She supposed that it was only right, they weren't in London. She shook her head, sleep was the last thing she wanted right now as she only had restless dreams. There was a sharp knock on her door before it was opened and Robert came in. Sybie twisted in her arms and Cora let her go as she scampered towards her grandfather who picked her up and hugged her.

"I would like a word Cora," he said as the little girl clung to him and Alice came over to take her and Sarah glanced at her mistress before they exited the room.

It was the first time in a year that they were alone and a fine tension thrummed in the air. Cora turned in her seat to fully face him and took in his stance, as if he was preparing for a battle.

"Robert?"

"I wonder what on earth possessed you to have you place your maid into the room next to you? The staff are not happy about this at all. Carson-"

"I didn't know we all obeyed Carson," Cora said tightly. "Besides, it's far easier for me to have O'Brien next to me than having to call her all of the time. I do not see why this is such a problem. This is how we live in London."

"But you're not in London," Robert snapped. "Next thing you'll be asking for that woman to be having dinner with us."

"Oh, don't be so melodramatic Robert," Cora stood up irritably. "The room wasn't being used and it is only temporary until we go back."

"Hasn't this gone on long enough?"

She blinked. "Pardon?"

"I know you were angry with me and how we handled the situation but you must agree that this has to end."

"Situation? Tom had just passed away and you could barely find a kind word to say!"

"I admit I was a little unfair, but it was a great shock."

"Not as great as shock as it would be for a little girl who had lost both her parents," Cora glared then sighed heavily. "But I don't want to fight, not now."

"Come back."

She looked at him for a long time and once she would have crumbled at the plea in his eyes. Once.

"I have a life in London with Sybie and Sarah."

"Sarah?"

She stilled and an unsettling feeling crept over her as she watched his face harden. She swallowed and fiddled with her necklace.

"Well, in a house as small as it is, it seems appropriate to call her by her Christian name. She is a friend," she added in a whisper.

"A friend that you pay to stay with you."

It was a blow that cut deep and her eyes widen with hurt.

"Please leave," she said and her voice shook. She turned her head away so she couldn't see him glare at her and also so he couldn't see her tears. He stalked out, closing the door with a hard click and she sank onto her chair, trembling and fists balled in her skirts, taking in deep breaths so she would not cry.

/-/-/

_1 year ago_

"Everything is settled. You will receive your allowance and more every month and the child will remain with you. The house shall be ready for you in two days. "

Cora let out a breath then smiled at Mr Murray before she stood up and shook his hand. "Thank you Mr Murray, for all that you have done."

"I'm only sad of the circumstances Lady Grantham."

Cora gave him a curious look. "Don't be Mr Murray, this is what I want."

/-/-/

The side door that connected the two rooms opened and Cora lifted her head from her hands slowly as Sarah approached. She had been crying though she had tried to hide it and Sarah felt a stabbing pain in her heart at that. She knelt by her and gently took Cora's hand into her own. This was the kind of gesture she was used to in London but here it seemed to be crossing some sort of boundary – yet Cora was not prepared to stop her.

"You heard…?"

"Yes," Sarah replied simply and Cora nodded sadly. "I have something I wish to tell you milady."

"Cora," she automatically corrected and Sarah smiled ruefully. "But please Sarah, if you are telling me that you want to leave…"

"No, no, no," she said quickly. "It's not that. Not that at all."

"Now I_ am_ intrigued," Cora teased with a watery smile.

"I was going to leave this till after but…" she frowned a little then her face cleared. "I've been looking for a job," there was a look of alarm on Cora's face, "to help pay with maintaining the house."

"But I pay for it," Cora said slowly.

"Yes but I was thinking how it's a waste for you to keep paying me. You don't really need me as your lady's maid anymore but I want to be of some use still."

"Oh Sarah," Cora leaned forward a little. "I do need you."

"But not as a lady's maid," Sarah stressed and unconsciously rubbed her thumb over Cora's knuckles gently.

"Then what?" she sighed and closed her eyes turning her head to the right. "I have not even asked what this job of yours is."

"It's in a dress shop, the pay is reasonable – because of my experience – and the hours won't be long…"

"Will you still live at the house?"

"If you'd have me stay."

"But do _you_ want to?"

"Yes," Cora looked down at her and saw the honesty there. "I do want to very much."

Cora removed her hand from Sarah's hold and carefully cupped her face, fingers stroking over her cheeks, warm and soft beneath her skin and then her fingers trailed down her throat. Her pulse was racing, Cora could feel it leap at her touch and Sarah's eyes had darkened…

A sharp knock at the door made Cora snap back as if she had been burnt and Sarah stumbled as she rose to her feet, a dark blush staining her cheeks. Cora's voice was strained as she called whoever it was in and Mrs Hughes came in looked mildly peeved.

"Your ladyship, Lady Rosamund has arrived."

/-/-/

"I think I've annoyed Carson and Mrs Hughes terribly for arriving a day early," Rosamund smirked as she slipped her arm through Cora's as they circled the gardens. It was cold but Sarah had made sure that she would be warm enough yet Cora was thankful that the cool air helped calm her from whatever that moment was before.

"I'm please you've come."

"You seem a little distracted, my dear. Has my brother upset you?"

Cora shook her head and for once Rosamund let it go.

"Well, nevermind. I'll make sure we have a wonderful Christmas and New Year."

Cora smiled despite herself for that was something that she didn't doubt.

/-/-/

Christmas _was_ a wonderful affair and Rosamund was true to her word, making sure that Cora did indeed have a good time – which mainly consisted of her passing her various alcoholic drinks and making her dance with her. The only thing that lessened it was that she barely saw Sarah amidst the festivities bar a few glimpses of her.

As the evening drew in, Sybie, with Alice in tow, came in to say goodnight to them in the drawing room. The little girl spent longer saying goodnight to Cora, clinging to her and Cora felt her heart swell in her chest.

"Grandmama, where's Granny?"

Cora stilled as she felt all eyes fall upon her and she swallowed as her heart leapt to her throat.

"Granny?" Mary echoed.

"She means Sar-O'Brien," Cora forced herself to say and smiled to Alice. "Alice, if you could…"

"Yes milady," Alice said quickly and hurried over to pick up the little girl. "We'll see Miss O'Brien and then go to bed yes?" She said to the girl who nodded sleepily and exited the room.

There was a moment of silence in the room, curious eyes watched her with little frowns until Rosamund decided to step in and claim that she was far too tired to stay up any longer and proceeded to tug Cora by the arm and bid them all goodnight as conversation started again.

"Rosamund?"

But the redhead shook her head and smiled.

"Goodnight Cora and Merry Christmas," she said pressing her lips against her cheek. "Oh and give O'Brien my best."

Cora looked at her perplexed as she left her standing in the hallway, drifting off to her own room. Then she went into her own and a little while later there was a soft rapping on the wood before Sarah came in. She held a little package for her and looked embarrassed by it as Cora unwrapped the gift. Her face lit up in delight as she saw the lovely framed photographs of Sybie and was touched by the thoughtful gift.

"You had no photographs of her yet," Sarah explained when Cora nodded holding them close before she smiled at Sarah.

"Thank you, it's so very thoughtful of you," she looked back at them. "She resembles Sybil so very much but also Tom with that smile of hers."

Sarah smiled softly then watched as Cora set the photographs on her dresser before she opened a draw and pulled out a little box and handed it to Sarah, her turn to look at her shyly.

"What is it?" Sarah asked eyeing the box and Cora laughed.

"Well if you opened it…"

Hesitantly Sarah propped it open and then just stared. Cora bit her lip when she said nothing for a minute and doubt started to creep in.

"You do not like it."

"It's too much."

Sarah touched the little gold locket lying in the velvet box before she closed it and tried to hand it back but Cora pushed it back.

"No, it's not. Please accept it Sarah."

Sarah stared at her and after a moment she took it back and Cora beamed.

"Would you like me to fasten it for you?"

Suddenly shy, Sarah nodded and Cora took it out of the box, fingers brushing over Sarah's and she smiled as she put it around her neck and secured it. She let it drop then trailed her fingers down the chain and pressed the locket against where it fell against chest.

"I got the butterfly engraved on it for you," she murmured and breathed in the familiar scent of lilacs that she recognised as Sarah's soap. "I know you like them."

"It's beautiful, thank you."

Once more her heart was fluttering like mad, her lips parted and she could see a flush appear across Sarah's cheeks.

"Did Sybie say goodnight?"

"Yes, Alice told me what happened."

Cora swallowed and realised her hand was still against Sarah's chest. She took it away and took a step back.

"Merry Christmas, Sarah," she breathed and Sarah let out a breath she had been holding.

"Merry Christmas, Cora."

/-/-/

"Cora?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered as she slipped into Sarah's bed and curled her legs up. "I couldn't sleep. Do you mind?"

Sarah shook her head sleepily and drew the covers further up.

"Thank you," Cora murmured as she nestled into the sheets and Sarah smiled even though Cora couldn't see.

"Sleep, Cora," Sarah mumbled as she turned onto her side and Cora closed her eyes as she drifted off almost immediately.

When Cora woke it was to find herself against Sarah, her arm wrapped around the other woman's waist and she studied her quietly in the dim light. Her head was facing away from her and she gently brushed her fingers over the curls at the temple then down over the side of her face before withdrawing her touch.

Oh, she thought as the realisation crept upon her, how had she not noticed herself falling slowly in love with her maid? Everything she felt, the conflict emotions and the overwhelming urges to just be close to her made her breath catch in her throat. Silently, as not to wake her since it was still too early to be rising, Cora got out of the bed and went back to her own just so she could sit and think without the tempting form of her maid by her side.

/-/-/

They were back in London straight after the New Year celebrations and neither of them had mentioned that night. Sarah had started her new job whilst Cora helped Alice more with Sybie. They saw each other in the evenings but it was not for long as Sarah seemed to be exhausted when she came back so that she often had a bath, ate dinner then went to bed. One night as Sarah was bathing, Cora was passing the washroom when she heard faint singing and paused by the door. It was unlocked and slightly ajar, enough for her to see in and she barely thought as she did just that. She sucked in a breath as Sarah stood nude by the bath combing out her hair. It was only her back that Cora could see but it was enough to send her heart pounding and heat flood her body, especially between her thighs. Pulling away sharply, she walked quickly away whilst pressing her shaking hand against her cheeks which were burning.

Throughout dinner Cora kept her gaze down and away from Sarah and there was a definite tension that thrummed in the air. Sarah kept shoot her curious glances and when diner was over, Cora excused herself claiming to be extremely tired. After two hours of tossing around in her bed, there was a knock on her door and she sat up. Turning on the light to a low-dim, she realised that she half-expected Sarah to come to her and she felt a stab of guilt at that.

"I thought you were tired," Sarah said as she shut the door and after a hesitant pause she sat at the end of Cora's bed.

"I was," Cora replied then sighed and bit her lip.

"Have I upset you-"

"No, no," Cora moved on the bed and shuffled to sit next to her, taking her hands into her own. "You have done nothing wrong."

"The whole evening-"

Cora shook her head then her eyes spied the locket and she drew it out from underneath Sarah's nightdress. "Do you wear it all day?"

"I haven't taken it off since you gave it to be," Sarah admitted lowly and Cora sighed taking Sarah's hand and brought it to her mouth.

"I'm sorry for this evening. You make me feel so flustered sometimes," Cora whispered and Sarah watched her. There was a tremor in her fingers as Cora kissed her palm and then she felt them stroke her face. There was no mistaking the look of desire in Sarah's eyes and she shifted closer still, tipping her mouth up and pressed her lips across Sarah's. It was soft and chaste before Cora felt Sarah touch her face and kiss her once more, then again and a third time before her tongue licked at Cora's bottom lip, asking for more and Cora gave.

A low moan sounded in the back of her throat as their tongues slowly slid against one another and the kiss deepened. Soon their bodies were pressed against each other, the thin nightdresses they wore barely acted as a boundary as they felt curves fit with curves and Cora lay beneath Sarah, the heat off her body radiating onto her.

"I have wanted you for so long," Sarah said in a broken whisper as her mouth pressed kisses down her neck and Cora lifted her hips so she could tug up her nightdress, eager to be rid of it.

"I'm only sorry it has taken me so long," Cora murmured, threading her fingers through Sarah's hair, marvelling at the softness of it.

"Better now than never," Sarah breathed and Cora let out a low laugh as her hands went beneath Sarah's nightdress and stroked over the soft, hot skin she found.

"Cora," Sarah moaned and Cora wrapped her leg around Sarah's naked hip.

"I love hearing you say my name," she said and Sarah gave her a wicked look as her hand stroked over her hips and then her thighs.

"I want to hear you scream my name, love."

/-/-/

"Will Rosamund be there for Sybie's birthday?"

"I don't imagine Rosamund would ever pass up a party," Cora murmured as she flicked the pages of the magazine smiling as Sarah resumed stroking her hair. Cora was lying across the settee with her head in Sarah's lap, reading out the amusing parts of _The Lady_.

"I've called ahead to remind Mrs Hughes that the bedroom adjoining mine will be yours again. Though I suppose you won't get much use out of it," Cora flirted and Sarah snorted but smiled at the same. "And thankfully we won't be there too long. I do so hate the idea of not being able to kiss you in case someone sees us."

"But it might be fun, the secrecy," Sarah added when she saw Cora look so put out by the thought and it worked as her lover's eyes lit up.

"Yes, could be quiet thrilling."

Sarah smirked and shifted in her seat making Cora sit up and turn to her with a playful look.

"We could always make extra use of our time now," Cora purred leaning forward and began to unbutton Sarah's blouse with now-expert fingers.

"I would like that very much," Sarah conceded and tugged Cora onto her lap and kissed her till everything else fell away and it was only them basked in soft glow of the afternoon light.

_fin._


End file.
